“Echizen-chan, Setsu-kun just left.”
I was crouched down in my part-time uniform when I heard the owner call to me from outside the changing room. After about 10 seconds, I slowly come out from the changing room.
“Was that alright? Not saying anything.”
“Even though you said that you wanted to stay working here.”
The owner said it as if to blame me for something.
“… It’s fine already.”
I answered like that, but the owner didn’t seem to be convinced at all. Rather, it seemed like he wanted to say something. Then, he suddenly pointed a hand mirror towards me.
“If you say it with a face like that, it’s not very convincing.”
My figure reflected within the hand mirror looked quite weak. It was a face that seemed like tears were just about to come out.
“I’ve had lots of different experiences in romance, myself, but if I don’t help, I’ll end up regretting it I think.”
The owner told me that kindly. I never actually told him, but it seems like he noticed that I liked Setsu-kun. Well, I guess anyone would notice normally.
“Come on, go chase after Setsu-kun.”
“… It’s fine already.”
Seeing me look downwards like this, the owner made a large exaggerated sigh.
“That’s what you say Echizen-chan, but then why did you decide to come work today? Isn’t it so that you could tell Setsu-kun something?”
The owner’s tone seemed a little angry. That’s what the owner said, but I never had the intention of confessing in the first place.. I came to work today because I was going to give up.
“If an in game friend is someone that I know in real life”
If Setsu-kun were to be in that situation, what would happen? I ended up falling in love for such a simple matter. So, I wanted to deny my feelings for Setsu-kun.
“It’s not like I came to like you”, was what I wanted to say.
But in the end, those words returned and became, “I suppose I did actually come to like you.”
If I end up saying such a thing, I’ll end up becoming hopeful. That’s why I was inside the changing room. If I saw Setsu-kun one more time, my emotions would end up exploding and I’d confess.
“No, that isn’t how it is.”
I answered the owner sharply, as I once again go back into the changing room. Then, I quickly changed and left the room.
‘’I’m going home now. Thank your hard work.”
“… Thank you for your hard work.”
The owner seemed to be a little angry as I left to go somewhere. Most likely, that was part of the owner’s kindness since he doesn’t want me to regret it. However, I felt apologetic towards him because I couldn’t accept his advice.
I’ll regret this a lot after all. Since I won’t end up confessing… I won’t be telling my feelings to the person that I really like.
I’ll probably regret this forever. I could’ve confessed at that time. But I didn’t. It’s because as long as Setsu-kun is happy I’m alright with it.
I don’t want him to suffer from my confession. It was really painful when Kawachi-kun confessed to me. Having someone like me was something that gave me pleasure, but knowing that I would be betraying those feelings was painful. For the next few days, I was so sorry that I couldn’t put energy into anything.
I didn’t want Setsu-kun to suffer because of something I did.
If I confess there is a chance of us dating, but the chance of that happening is small. That’s why I won’t do it. Even though I truly believe this, because of what Setsu-kun said, I still continued to wonder.
If I tell him that I’m an in-game friend with him, how will he react? Maybe, he’ll date me because of that. Embracing such a faint hope, I couldn’t say bye to him in the end. I feel somewhat regretful because of that, but that’s not really that important so it’s fine.
For now, I’m glad that I didn’t let out the word, “like”. To be honest, being coworkers with him and talking together with him about the game was pretty bad. I would almost blurt out my confession to him every time.
Whenever I see Setsu-kuns smile, whenever I hear his voice, that’s all I could think about. The want to confess to him took over.
Ah~ I’m glad, that I didn’t end up confessing. I’m glad that I didn’t hurt Setsu-kun. This is what I told myself as I was walking alone on my nightly route home.
Then, large drops of tears began to flow from my eyes. However, I didn’t wipe them. I already know why tears are overflowing. I already know my own honest feelings. However, I cannot turn my eyes towards it. There would be no way of stopping if I did. That’s why I desperately looked away. Until the day these feelings disappear, I will never bring my attention to this “like”. So, I made my decision, but…
The feelings inside my chest struggled like a caged dragon, and I became unable to ignore them.
…That’s why, only for now. For this one last moment, is it alright for me to let these emotions out? I didn’t know who I asked that question to. Then, I said it.
“I like you, I really really love you.”
Those were the words that were meant for him and came out of my mouth without any thought. Because there was no one around on the this dark road, there was nothing to be embarrassed about.
After saying that, my emotions that were going out of control just a bit ago, calmed down a bit. Even though it was just to myself, I thought that once I started I wouldn’t have been able to to stop if from continuing, but that was not the case.
Inside my heart were my feelings for Setsu-kun. Even now I can say that I like him a lot. But, there was a bit of a wall to it. There was also something other than myself behind those feelings. Now, I have most likely given up I believe.
I probably won’t be able to see Setsu-kun anymore. If we do meet, it will probably be a light conversation. He or I won’t be a main part of each other’s life anymore.
However, I hope. I hope that Setsu-kun will be happy.
I love you, goodbye.
Next time, let’s meet as friends in-game.