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A Married Couple Comedy Act
TL: PuffyPyjamas
ED: Daemon
“Next is Kudou-san… Wait, Kudou-san? I wonder if I made a mistake in writing Kurashiki. Kurashiki Kouri-san, please introduce yourself.”
With Haru-sensei’s voice ringing out, Kouri stood up from her seat and headed over to the podium.
And Kouri, while standing on the podium…
“Nice to meet you. Or, hello to those who already know me. My name is Kudou Kouri, formerly Kurashiki Kouri. Now usually, I’m a person who finishes my self-introduction quickly, but today I would like to introduce my significant other to you all.”
…Said something like that with a gleeful smile.
“My significant other is that guy over there…”
Following her words, I also walked over to the podium.
Of course, the surroundings burst into noise. And those who knew Kouri were-
“What? Kudou?”
“It must be Michihisa-kun’s family name.”
“You don’t think that stupid couple really tied the knot, do you?”
“That could be the case. We were always making fun of them for acting like a married couple after all.”
It seems like that they are expecting it to be something relating to us as a couple. Those who don’t know Kouri, however—
“She seems like a very mature girl. She is very cute as well.”
“Is she the neat and tidy type? Even the way she speaks is very refined.”
“Well, it’s not unexpected that a girl of her caliber is already spoken for.”
“However, why the change in family name? What is happening?”
“No clue.”
It seems they are still wondering what is going on. Meanwhile, I reach the podium and face Kouri.
“W-wait, it’s not Kudou-kun’s turn to introduce himself yet, is it?”
Haru-sensei seems confused, but I need her to put up with it just this one time.
“Then, let’s get started. Mii-kun.”
Kouri is staring at me with a grin across her face. And I also stare at Kouri with a smile.
“Significant other? That phrasing seems a little strange to me.”
“Doesn’t it~?”
We talk in a hushed voice.
“My partner is Mii-kun, or as you all know, Kudou Michihisa-kun!”
“I am this girl’s partner, Kudou Michihisa.”
“Mii-kun~ Mii-kun~ Even if you say the word ‘partner’, the other might not fully understand what you’re trying to say.”
“Ah, you’re right. To rephrase, I am actually Kouri’s husband now! Nice to meet you!”
“With that said, I am now Mii-kun’s wife~ And that is the reason why my name changed from Kurashiki Kouri to Kudou Kouri.”
When we were finished with our piece, the surrounding burst into noise. Those who know us—
“Hey, hey, they seriously got married?”
“Just now, Haru-chan-sensei was about to refer to Kurashiki as ‘Kudou’.”
“By the way, I thought it was strange that they seemed a bit quiet over spring break, but maybe…”
“Again, it’s those two. They really like doing things like this.”
It seems that they’ve understood the general situation. Those who do not know us—
“What does that mean?”
“Well…? From what I see, apparently those two got married.”
“It’s rare to see a married couple in high school.”
“Oh, how could I forget! Wasn’t there an extremely stupid couple in our second year?”
“The stupid couple got married just like that? Did they do it without thinking?”
And so on.
“So, I am aware that this is a self-introduction, but if it’s just me introducing myself, there would be nothing interesting, so I decided to introduce ourselves as a couple. Mii-kun, in what way do you perceive me?”
“Now let’s see. We’ve been together for a long, long time. Has it been 15 years already?”
“It’s so nostalgic. It all started when we were in kindergarten and I said that I would marry you when we grew up.”
“Yeah that’s right. It’s so cliche. It was as if I used a time machine to go back now, and asked you to be my wife on the spot.”
“You were terrible! You ended up giving a serious response that no kindergartener would understand. Something along the lines of- we need to be lovers first.”
“You were a pretty big part too, as you ended up saying that you wanted to be lovers after that as well.”
That’s right. Kouri’s idea for self-introduction was for us to talk to each other to let other people know about us through that. This idea works out pretty well for us since we’ve been together forever.
“Leaving that aside, when we were in kindergarten, we became ‘something like lovers’, and then we started dating after a while and eventually got married in this manner.”
“Don’t just skip everything in between like that. You suddenly wanted to get married in January of this year.”
“Being told that the female was the one who proposed hurts me a little bit.”
“So you’re telling me you were hurt by that?”
“You say that when you already know.”
“Tell me, did you get hurt?”
“No, I didn’t.”
Some of the people look at us with a slight bit of envy and anger, some people look at us with their mouths wide open in incomprehension, and some people look at us like we are a couple that can’t read the atmosphere… Well, I never expected everyone to be accepting of our relationship.
“It turned into us reminiscing about our memories. I want to be introduced from Mii-kun’s perspective though.”
She gazed at me with an excited glint in her eyes. Of course, we didn’t have a plan for this conversation, so I am saying whatever I like on the spot.
“Let’s see… First of all, you’re cute! When I stroke you like this, you always become delighted, right?”
As I was saying that, I gently stroked her hair so as to not ruin her hairstyle.
“Don’t treat me like a puppy in public.”
“Even if you say that, your expression is pretty loose. Her being cute like this is one point. And… She’s good at housework in general. She is good at academics and sports. She’s good at playing along with things, and I’ve never been tired of being together with her. Of course, she wasn’t born like this. I think another good point is that she likes showing off as she desperately does her very best for no particular reason.”
I remember from a young age, and until now as well. Kouri is someone who can do everything much better than the average person, but it’s not like she could do it from the beginning so she had to put in a lot of effort to learn and master that skill.
“M-mou~ Mii-kun, please stop complimenting me so much.”
“Isn’t it fine? It’s not as if not saying these things out loud would take anything away from you. Also… I guess she’s someone I’m… indebted to.”
It is so embarrassing to say such things, but leave it to me to say it out loud in the heat of the moment. However, I am very grateful to Kouri and I feel like saying thank you to her.
“A-a benefactor… It’s nothing like that…”
Kouri was very embarrassed, maybe it was unexpected for her.
“Well~ She’s an amazing person that I would never get tired of, so it would be great if everyone could get along with us as a couple. So, I guess I think of Kouri like that.”
I said all of that in one breath, and the people around us—
“Hey, this isn’t the wedding reception hall, you know?”
“No, no, it’s more interesting to let them do it.”
“Yeah, I would like to hear more.”
Those were some of the reactions.
“I know they are happy and all, but still…”
“Isn’t it a bit cold for us?”
“It’d be better if they did this sort of thing among their inner circle.”
The reactions were divided into two categories. The latter reactions are justified since they were listening to two strangers talking about their private affairs, so I can understand them. However, it was relieving that it was generally well received by our acquaintances.
“So, to continue this conversation… What do you think of me from your perspective, Kouri?”
Since it was a self-introduction of us both, it wouldn’t do if it was just me doing the answering.
“Hmm~ Let’s see… I really can’t think of anything.”
“I said so much about you, so you can’t just back out like that, Kouri-san.”
“Even if you say that… I can’t recall anything other than the extreme comfort your presence brings to me.”
“You should add some more words there. You’re good at Japanese.”
“That is completely different! However, you’re right… In all honesty, you’re very cool.”
Somehow, she was looking at me with glittering eyes…
“Really? I’ve seldom heard you mentioning that I am cool.”
“I was just embarrassed. When I look at your back, that feeling just comes out of me.”
“Don’t steer the conversation in a weird direction!”
I gently stroke Kouri’s cheeks.
“Eh? I was talking about Mii-kun from my perspective, right?”
“You should talk more about what’s inside rather than my appearance or outer body…”
“I don’t think that your back is exposed to the public though?”
“Ahh this girl… Well, I guess it’s fine. Anything else?”
“Well… I make a lot of careless mistakes. But I am glad that you help to follow up on those.”
“I make careless mistakes as well. When it stops raining, I often forget to bring my umbrella home.”
“And… Mii-kun’s a sadist who loves to tease me.”
“Oii. Don’t say such a thing here.”
“But for some reason, after being mean, you become very kind to me. Something like using a carrot and a stick?”
“Stop saying things that would make people misunderstand us as perverts.”
“I think it’s true that you like teasing me though?”
“You’re in the wrong for having gaps that make me want to tease you.”
“That’s tyranny!”
Before I had realized, it had already been 10 minutes.
“I was having a little too much fun so I ended up talking for so long. Having said that, I am looking forward to working with all of you for the rest of the year, please take care of me.”
“Take care of me~”
The two of us bowed down and concluded our introduction.
“Kudou-san… No, I guess it’s been registered, so I should call you by your first name.”
When I tried to return to my seat, Haru-sensei glared at us with a gloomy expression. Scary.
“Y-yes. Whichever one you prefer.”
I straightened my spine involuntarily.
“You have gotten married, and I have no right to say otherwise… However, please come to the staff room later.”
“U-understood.”
“Y-yes.”
Her voice carried a dangerous intent so we agreed on reflex.
That’s how the comedy act styled self-introduction proposed by Kouri came to an end. Now I’m in trouble because my beloved likes to do sudden eccentricities like these. Well, I’m not completely dissatisfied with it.
In addition, this incident spread across the entire school, and various people came to visit later, but that is a story for another time.
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